Are dating apps making it impossible to find real love?

Are dating apps that gamify dating and looking for a partner, actually fucking it all up for us?

Dating in your 20s is hard. Dating in you 30s even harder. As a 30-something woman who with a good job, great interests, who can cook delicious meals from scratch, is caring towards other people and animals, and is capable of doing things on her own, I’d like to think of myself as a catch.

Having spent the past six months exploring dating though the means of Tinder and Bumble – I joined OKCupid recently but only lasted four days before the “how’s u?” and “nice rack” messages became too much – I haven’t got much to show for it. A handful new experiences yes, but I am nowhere near finding someone to date, let alone someone to love. After months of swiping I find myself questioning everything. Is it me? Am I not the lovely person I think I am? Yes I know I have my flaws – I’m only human after all – but I can’t be that bad?! Or is it just the type of people these apps attract that’s the problem? Are they all avoidants, is that why they’re still in the dating pool? Are they after quick hook-ups, no commitment or desire for a long-term relationship? I’m starting to think all of the above are true…

Being part of the dating game is exhausting. It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack. Only the haystack is the size of London, and the needle…Well, who the fuck knows where it is.

Swipe. Swipe. Swipe.

I’m starting to think that for most Tinder et al is only another Pokemon Go where you “gotta catch em all”, only that these come with the possibility of sex from time to time.

Swipe. Swipe. Swipe.

Left for the pictures of drugged tigers.

Left for those that don’t have any photos showing their eyes.

Left for those taking selfies of their ‘gym bodies’ in the mirror.

I’m remaining hopeful that there is someone out there for me still, but I’m thinking I won’t find him through an app…

Lost in translation online dating

Online dating. It’s a real joy isn’t it? Especially with apps such as Tinder. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. It’ a match. Great, now let’s just not talk to each other… Don’t get me wrong, it can be fun – if you treat it like the game it is – but not if you’re looking for something a bit more substantial. Then it’s like looking for a fucking needle in a haystack.

When you do end up messaging, from experience, around 80% of the time the conversation quickly turn on to sex (him) and the request for nude photos. What ever happened to having a good chat and then possibly meeting up to see if there is chemistry?

Talking to a guy from overseas today, I shared some full-body photos of myself – yes FULLY DRESSED in all – as I don’t really have many on my profile. So, off on Facebook I went, found a few where I think I look pretty good and that are fairly recent ones, and shared them. Upon seeing them the guy says “Ah, you’re a little fat”. Now English might not be his first language, but by deus, he should surely know that this is not what you say to people? Fat is such a loaded word. I love the people driving the fat/body positive movements out there, but for me this is not something I want to be called by someone I have just started talking to.

Now, I like my curves and don’t want to be super slim – but I’m also only at the start of appreciating me for me and loving me, just the way I am. What makes matters worse, after I pointed out that what he had just said is considered quite rude, he’s then persisted in asking me for nude pics to ‘see if [he] can like that’.

THAT is my body. THAT is a person. THAT is me. And THAT doesn’t need this shit.