For as long as I can remember I’ve been planner. I have ideas of what I want to do, what I want to make and where I want to go. I like planning it. But, more often than not, I end up not doing the fantastic things I’ve planned.
Terrarium making. Painting with watercolour. Life drawing class. Language lessons. Going to a meet up. Cooking more. Making pottery. An Instagram feed dedicated to one thing. Archery. Eat more vegetables. Take up photography. Go hiking somewhere exciting.
It’s as if I have an invisible rope tied around my angles, holding me back – not allowing me to move forward and actually do the things I think of doing.
This invisible rope I know is all in the mind. It’s a blockage somewhere which is not letting my life doing emerge. Truth be told I don’t know how I can unblock it. I don’t know how to reach down to untie the rope. But I’m going to find out.
First, I need to do some more life thinking. Oh the irony. Yet I feel this is an important step. To get to the life doing part, I have to do some life mapping – and that requires some thinking! I’ve never been one to have a 5-year plan, not in work, not in life. As my mid-thirties are looming, I’m starting to think (there’s that bloody word again) that a roadmap of what I want to achieve and do over then next 5 years isn’t such a terrible idea.
When I’ve completed my life mapping session, and set out some near and far goals, it will be time to get on to life doing. The key will be to not try to do all at once. This is one of my problems. I end up with analysis paralysis because I have so many things I want to do, that I can’t decide which to do first, and end up doing nothing…
Are dating apps that gamify dating and looking for a partner, actually fucking it all up for us?
Dating in your 20s is hard. Dating in you 30s even harder. As a 30-something woman who with a good job, great interests, who can cook delicious meals from scratch, is caring towards other people and animals, and is capable of doing things on her own, I’d like to think of myself as a catch.
Having spent the past six months exploring dating though the means of Tinder and Bumble – I joined OKCupid recently but only lasted four days before the “how’s u?” and “nice rack” messages became too much – I haven’t got much to show for it. A handful new experiences yes, but I am nowhere near finding someone to date, let alone someone to love. After months of swiping I find myself questioning everything. Is it me? Am I not the lovely person I think I am? Yes I know I have my flaws – I’m only human after all – but I can’t be that bad?! Or is it just the type of people these apps attract that’s the problem? Are they all avoidants, is that why they’re still in the dating pool? Are they after quick hook-ups, no commitment or desire for a long-term relationship? I’m starting to think all of the above are true…
Being part of the dating game is exhausting. It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack. Only the haystack is the size of London, and the needle…Well, who the fuck knows where it is.
Swipe. Swipe. Swipe.
I’m starting to think that for most Tinder et al is only another Pokemon Go where you “gotta catch em all”, only that these come with the possibility of sex from time to time.
Swipe. Swipe. Swipe.
Left for the pictures of drugged tigers.
Left for those that don’t have any photos showing their eyes.
Left for those taking selfies of their ‘gym bodies’ in the mirror.
I’m remaining hopeful that there is someone out there for me still, but I’m thinking I won’t find him through an app…