Time to embrace my femininity

As a little girl, I loved wearing pretty dresses, tassles and being ‘girly’. Then as I grew older, and chubbier, I started shying away from this image, as I began hiding away the curves that nature had decided to gift me. I developed my figure pretty early on, and anyone who’s been a girl growing into a woman knows how uncomfortable this can be, especially when you’re one of the first ones in your group of friends. I became aware that the other girls were slimmer than me, less curvy. With this I started to feel like I needed to hide. Too afraid to be different. Afraid of my femininity.

As I grew, so grew my interest in sport. It came naturally to me. I wasn’t afraid to go in for the tackle on the pitch, I had the power in my arms to throw things far. I had co-ordination. But with this, I also slowly ‘lost’ more and more of my femininity. I wore baggy clothes, didn’t dress with joy. Black trousers and ill-fitting sweaters became my uniform. I became harder, less willing to speak about emotions as well. Then again do any teenager do that?! I became more aware that to ‘make it’ in the world, women who embrace their masculine traits seem to succeed.

Navigating my way through university, my early career and love, I spent most of it being scared of appearing vulnerable, to be seen as too ‘girly’. Quite sad really as I was never in any danger of being seen as too girly.

Now, as a mid-30 something woman, looking back at her adolescence and twenties, I can say that it’s only really in since going into the 3rd decade of Me that I’ve started embracing my curves and emotional being more. It’s only now that I’m actually feeling good in my own skin and mind. I’m by no means feeling good all the time, but the good days are outweighing the bad days.

Maybe it’s because with my 30s I also started giving a lot less fucks about everything. I think less about what people think of me. I’m aiming to shine and be as good as I can be each day. Not everyone will like me. That’s OK. I don’t like everyone so it’s only fair. I’m no longer desperately trying to fit in where my soul tells me I don’t want to be just because it’s the cool thing to do or place to work. There was a point where my body was actively rebelling agains me and my life choices by making me ill. I can see that now.

Both men and women have feminine traits, women usually more so, but it’s there in everyone. It is a strong power within us that’s been around since the birth of humankind. It shouldn’t be seen as a negative, as something to not aspire to. So, I’ve decided that I want to embrace my femininity.

I want to wear more skirts; I own pretty dresses and feel great while walking around. I want to be ‘girly’ if I want to without it having a negative connotation. I want to be able to go kick ass at a boxing lesson or build a wardrobe from IKEA, then put on makeup, feel wonderful about it and ready to take on the world!

You might be thinking “What utter bollocks. No-one’s stopping you from doing this. You’re free to wear what you want. And besides, there’s nothing wrong with wearing jeans and t-shirts.” All of this is true. And I wish for everyone is to wear what they feel great in and live the life that brings them the most joy! But truth is that being overtly feminine is often seen as being weaker and something that shouldn’t be aspired to. That’s why we have terms like ‘run like a girl’  or ‘the weaker sex’. Exactly when did being a girl and a woman actually become a negative?!

We are pretty amazing really when you think about it. We can grow life in us. We seem to have an intuition, a sixth sense, call it what you like to know when we’re being fucked with or lied to (just ask the boyfriends & girlfriends, husbands, wives and partners out there!). Yes we might coo over cute puppies and cry for no apparent reason when watching films, but we are tough as hell when needed.

Why should we have to power dress and be less emotional to get ahead at work and in life? I want to be an emotional and caring human being. I want to switch my inner light on, and shine like a bright star.

I want to be feminine and empowered. Who’s with me?

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