Over the past twelve and a bit months I’ve gone through a lot of changes: I’ve lost weight (heartbreak); I’ve gained weight (trying to fill the gaping emotional hole in me); lost weight (crash diet due to self hatred, no disgust); and now most recently gaining some of the weight I lost while intending to eat more consciously (time to change my mind and through it my body).
This is, sadly, nothing new. Since I can remember I’ve gone through similar cycles – less heartbreak caused by others at times, and instead a hefty dose of negative self-image and lack of confidence.
If you could compete as a jo-jo dieter in the Olympics – I’d be in the top 10. Maybe five even. I’ve tried every diet there is – Atkins, juicing, Cambridge, Weight Watchers, low carb – and guess what? They DON’T WORK. In the short-term, yes they do change the way you look and you feel amazing (for a while). But they’re not sustainable. As soon as you even think about going back to a more balanced way of eating, you’re screwed. Your body, which you’ve deprived of fat/carbs/sugar/calories [delete as appropriate] for however long, doesn’t know what the hell is going on and back the weight comes.Yep, I’ve fucked my body over. And now it’s time to treat it – and me – with love, care and compassion. It’s time to wave goodbye to silly diets. It’s time to be happy with what I have: a curvy figure, which by all means can be even more fabulous if slightly more in shape, but is still pretty darn gorgeous as it is. It’s time to embrace what I have been born with and work on becoming an even better woman than I already am through goodness, helping others and positive actions.
At thirty-something, I am going to fall into love with myself.